Very Hard Times Indeed

It's times like these that I question not only myself but the decisions I have made to commit to this disease. Yes I committed to diabetes. I vowed to stick it out through sickness and in health. I'm sad to say, on my husband's part, there has never been health throughout the duration of our marriage.

I am in an extremely difficult situation. Stephen has given up. The last time his sugar was checked was yesterday around 4 pm and I am the one who checked it. It was 41, I fed him and he never checked it again when it came back up. The reason it dropped was because he laid in bed all day, as this has become a habit for him or rather an escape. He has become aggressive and violent. My days of nursing him are over. When I wake him to check his sugar he yells at me.

He is severely depressed and has quit taking his anti-depressent medication. He has been lying about it for the past two months. So, now there are two diseases I am battling as well as an obstinate husband. I know he needs help, he thinks otherwise. For I am the problem, he has declared this several times in the past few days.

The only option I am left with is to force help on him. I worry what his attitude will be like after he gets it. Will he hate me for it or will he thank me? I accepted the fact that he was sick and would need my help. What I didn't bargain for was the enmity he now thrusts towards me.

 His exasperation has saddened me beyond my limits. I am constricted and weak. I ache for benevolence from him and this disease but he shows no indication of care and diabetes shows no mercy.